Government Funded Businesses

Government Funded Businesses: Going Where the Money Is

By The Mogambo Guru

03/25/10 Tampa, Florida – It’s always been true, over and over, that corruption is always at its maximum at the end of long booms powered by an expansion of money.

In the old days, before America lost its collective mind and allowed a fiat currency, government spending was pretty much fixed because the money supply was fixed by the relatively-unchanging supply of gold.

Nowadays, however, the government gave the absurd and incompetent Federal Reserve the right to allow banks to create as much money as anyone wanted.

The famous bank robber, Willie Sutton said, when asked why he robbed banks, that he did it because “That’s where the money is.”

Today, Willie Sutton would be asked why he has a string of businesses that gets its funding from government, because “That’s where the money is” since this is where the massive government deficit-spending first enters into the economy, and this is where the corruption gets its start, which I already know from history, but even I am amazed and angry at the towering corruption and incompetence everywhere you look, and new ones being exposed with every tick of the clock.

I am thinking of these things because of the precarious situation at work, where my boss is going to be performing a Secret Special Interim Employee Performance Review on me, although I did not even know there was even such a damned thing as a “Secret Special Interim Employee Performance Review”, which is not in the employee handbook nor in the Policy and Procedures Manual, and when I ask my boss what this is all about, she says, with a tone of scorn and disrespect, “What does it sound like, moron? Get back to work!”

Stung and hurt by the bitter rebuke, I turn to leave, and as I do so, I say under my breath so she can’t hear me, “Touché! But let me ask you who is the moron who is not buying gold, silver and oil in response to the horrific inflationary implications of the Federal Reserve creating so unbelievably much money and the socialist Obama administration borrowing and spending all that impossibly much money? So you want touché? I’ll give you touché, moron! Hahaha!”

Before I scurried back to my office in a big panic to destroy any incriminating evidence and, at least, sweep out the old chicken bones, empty pizza boxes and tequila bottles to kind of, you know, spruce the place up a little bit, I swing by and ask the people in Personnel what in the hell a Secret Special Interim Employee Performance Review is, which, for some reason, makes them get all huffy about how they are the few, the proud, the brave, the Human Resources Department, and not some lowly “Personnel Department”, and where in the hell have I been for the last 20 years?

So I say, “What?” as in, “What they hell does that have to do with anything?” and they reply, “Well, if you don’t know what you want, we can’t help you. Goodbye!”

And then they just walk off! They start pretending that they are doing something important and engrossing that requires them to have their backs to me while ignoring me yelling, “What in the hell is a ‘Secret Special Interim Employee Performance Review’, you morons?”

Getting no response, I continue rebuking them, “It obviously has something to do with your precious ‘human resources’, you incompetent halfwits! I noticed that you were always so delighted to help when it was filing relevant papers in my ‘permanent record’, like that time when my boss told me, and I agreed in writing, that I understood that I had to come to work on time, every damned day, like some kind of stupid robot or something, or that other time where you had to file a similarly signed ‘contract’ where I agreed that this also included staying at work all day, and only going home at ‘an agreed-upon quitting time (‘see Schedule A, attached’), also like I am some kind of workaholic robot or something, which brings up that time when you had to file my agreement to actually DO some damn work while I was here all day, which turned out to be the worst part! Gaaaahhhh!”

Well, I never did find out what a ‘Secret Special Interim Employee Performance Review’ was, but there were enough ominous clues that I instinctively went to Mogambo Plan A (MPA), which was to set my office on fire to destroy everything, burning it all to smoldering ashes, including any clues about anything, since I don’t know what they will be investigating and am paranoid enough to suspect a zillion things.

Now that I have had time to think about it, though, I realize that is too radical.

Mogambo Plan B (MPB), which I just thought of, is to blame former Federal Reserve chairman (1987-2006) Alan Greenspan, as he is directly responsible for all of the misery that people have suffered so far, and which is, unfortunately, just a taste of what is to come.

There are those who protest that my abysmal job performance has anything to do with monetary policy, and to those people I say, “Ha! The odious Alan Greenspan, former chairman of the despicable Federal Reserve, is the guy who ordered the Fed to create a corrupt, criminally-incompetent, continual flow of new money and credit through the banks, which, I hasten to remind you, is actually where money is created – as if by magic! – by the banks at the instant someone borrows this supply of new credit from the Fed, which increases both the money supply and total debt, which is not the point I was trying to make, but that it is this increase in money which creates inflation in prices that destroys everything it touches in a Big, Bankrupting Boom (BBB)!”

I can almost see the look of doubt in their eyes as their lips say, “And how does that affect the crappy way you have been doing your job?”

“Well,” I will explain, “At the end of long booms of monetary malfeasance, especially when using a fiat currency that makes the whole economic farce last far, far longer, and get far, far more destructive than when such idiocy had been tried under a strict money supply like under a gold standard, the amount of corruption and incompetence is literally off-the-charts, and since I am not corrupt, but only incompetent, irritating and argumentative, then I am a better-than-average employee!”

I am hoping that it will work, and in the meantime, I am hoping that my investment in gold, silver and oil pays off sooner than I expect, because, truly then, “Whee! This investing stuff is easy!”

The Mogambo Guru